Loving my husband

 

 Honestly, with four kids and a construction project going on downstairs, I’ve been more of a critical cranky wife than a loving one. If you’ve never gone through a remodel or major construction project with a spouse, try it. It’ll bring out the best in your marriage. NOT! In fact, the last fight we had was over bi-fold doors in our bathroom that my husband installed even though it wasn’t something he ‘even remotely wanted to do.’ That got me going on a tangent ( in my head) about all the things I don’t ‘remotely want to do’ around here but I do anyway…every day. I know. Stupid. Anyway, I got it into my head that I was going to try to be the ‘perfect wife‘, just to make him feel bad for being such a jerk that day (trust me , this was coming from more than one fight. More like years of frustration that was finally boiling over)

 

  So, I kept the house clean, I made sure there was nothing for him to do when he got home, I even woke up early to walk the kids to the bus stop (he usually does that right before he goes to work) and made him lunches, and all the things June Cleaver would do. Funny thing happened. I was so mad at him, I had no loving feelings whatsoever while I was doing these things. But after a few days I realized something. My house was running smoother, I was more consistent with my kids and they were happier, and my husband kept telling me how grateful he was to me for being so kind to him and he, in turn, started being kinder and helping out more.

 

Shoot! My plan backfired!

 

Instead of making him feel guilty, I realized I was guilty, for not already doing those things in the first place, for always being so critical of all the things my husband wasn’t doing right, and for having too high of expectations all the time. What started out as a plan of revenge, has turned into a heart softening experience for me. I’m no longer doing it for the wrong reasons. I’m trying to be better and do all of these things because I have found that they make my husband and family happy which also makes me happy.

Let’s face it ladies, we are the eye of the storm in our homes. Everything we do, and how we act effects the whole atmosphere in our homes. When he have hidden agendas or expectations that don’t get met we get frustrated and angry and so on….but men and women are just plain different. (Did you know that? Haha) I expect my husband to understand me like my friends do and act like I do and nurture and love our kids like I do. News flash: my husband DOES NOT have the same unique characteristics as me. He has his own. God made him different for a reason. We have different roles and different talents.

 

  Last night, I asked my husband nicely if he had any plans for Mothers Day dinner. I got the ‘deer in headlights’ look like I knew I would. I could have said nothing and then been disappointed today when I felt like no one cared enough to plan a special day. Instead I said,

 

“Would you like to go to the store with me and I’ll pick something out that I like for you to cook?”

 

I think he was relieved. I wasn’t judging or being critical, but not letting him off the hook either.:) So, we went, and today he made me a lovely breakfast in bed and dinner and tried his best to keep the kids out of my hair while I rested. At church this morning, I looked over and realized his hair was sticking up in the back. Perfect opportunity to be critical. Instead I smiled because I knew it was because he had woken up early to make me breakfast in bed and get the kids ready for church (church starts at 9) and had probably not had time to get himself completely ready. Who says a knight in shining armor has to ride a horse and look like a movie star. Mine doesn’t, but I love him so much.

 

  Before all this happened I remember saying my prayers one night and asking God to please help me to love my husband because I felt like I was struggling in that department. Well, my prayers were answered, just not in the way I intended. So if you’re struggling in this department or with loving anyone, for that matter, ask the man upstairs for some help. Just don’t be surprised with the outcome.

 

P.S. If my husband ever gets around to reading this, I might have some ‘splainin’ to do. 🙂